


And I Lost You

by padfvvt



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-04
Updated: 2016-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-20 01:38:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,499
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7385761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/padfvvt/pseuds/padfvvt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>James and Lily are finally friends, but soon, a mysterious prophecy will tear apart Lily's world, causing her to drive away everyone close to her. In this war, not everyone can survive-and it's Lily's job to help minimize the losses. In a world filled with love, magic, and ever-growing darkness, Lily searches desperately for a chance at a happy ending...or at least a happy start.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hey everyone! This is the first Jily fanfiction I've published, written in part because Jily is my life but also because writing is more fun than studying for exams. Hope you like it! Reviews are amazing and so are you :)

"Get off me!" Lily shrieked, punching and pummeling Marlene with her fists. "You bloody--get off me!"  
Marlene only sprawled out more on Lily's bed, letting one of her hands fall right on top of Lily's face.  
"I shall not," Marlene announced with dignity, easily fighting off Lily's attempts to unseat her. "I am quite comfortable here, thank you."  
Lily growled and managed to extricate one arm, grabbing her wand from her bedside table. "Flipendo."  
Marlene was thrown screaming from Lily's bed, landing in a painful heap on the floor. "Maniac!" she yelled up at Lily, who searched around for any guilt within herself but found none.  
"You're the one who woke me up before sunrise on a Saturday, Marly," Lily reminded her grumpily.  
"Fair enough," Marlene allowed, climbing to her feet and facing her friend, now keeping a slightly wary eye on Lily's wand.  
"Who screamed? What's going on?" came Alice's sleepy voice from within her four-poster.  
"Lily's trying to murder me," Marlene replied promptly.  
"Excellent," an annoyed Mary snapped. "Get on with it, will you, Lils? I'm trying to sleep."   
"So was I," Lily groaned, sinking her face back into her pillow. Marlene poked her in the side, and Lily turned wrathfully back to her. "What in Merlin's name is wrong with you?"  
"Quidditch tryouts are coming up soon, and you said you'd come practice with me," Marlene whined.  
Lily remembered now, although she still wasn't happy about it. “But we’ve barely been at school a week,” she complained.   
“Every second counts, Lils,” Marlene insisted. Lily realized at this point that no matter what she said, Marlene was not going to go away.   
"Fine," Lily decided. "Give me five minutes to change."  
Marlene lit up. "Yay! I'll go get your broom," she said, dashing out of the room. She paused at the door, turned around, and blew a kiss back to her best friend. "You're a saint!"  
"I'm well aware," Lily agreed, pulling a sweatshirt on over her tank top and throwing her hair into a loose ponytail.

Within ten minutes, the girls were on the pitch. The cool, crisp morning air hit Lily's face, and after the initial jolt, she found herself enjoying it. Her eyes were bright and alert now, her cheeks pink from the wind, and a few tendrils of hair had escaped from her ponytail and were dancing around her face. "Well, let's get this over with."  
She climbed onto her Cleansweep and kicked off, enjoying, as she always did, the swooping feeling in her stomach as she left the earth suddenly behind her and soared into the sky, towards the sun that was just beginning to rise. She had missed this. Lily had never played Quidditch--organized sports never had been her style, especially not with a manic James Potter as the Gryffindor captain--but she adored flying. She was good at it, too, and she and Marlene had spent many an afternoon on the pitch, throwing a Quaffle back and forth and practicing dives and flips. Marlene slowed to a stop at her side now, Quaffle under her arm.  
"Let's go."

Lily lost track of the time as they flew, weaving in and out of the goalposts and alternately diving to catch the Quaffle before it could hit the ground. Marlene had decided early on that she was too good for the Gryffindor team already and did not really need practice, so now they were racing each other around the pitch, Marlene in the lead but with Lily not far behind. As Lily passed the goalposts at the far end of the field, a glint of scarlet below caught her eye. She chanced a glance downwards and realized with a start that it was James Potter, standing on the field in his Quidditch robes, holding his broomstick and watching the two girls as they streaked across the pitch. He caught Lily’s eye, and she swore she could see the golden glint of his hazel eyes even from this distance. 

Lily was forced unceremoniously back to reality as the tip of her broom hit the edge of Marlene's and sent both girls into a tailspin. Marlene regained control easily and grabbed hold of Lily's broom to stabilize it. "Merlin's beard, Lily, pay attention!" she yelled over her friend's shrieks.   
"Are you okay?" James called from below. Lily quickly regained her composure.  
"We're fine, no thanks to this idiot!" Marlene called cheerfully.  
Under normal circumstances, James may have called out to Lily as well, to make sure that she was alright, but he stayed silent. Lily didn't look, but she may has well have--she knew that somber, defeated expression of his all too well. He wore it every time he saw her now. 

Ever since the end of fifth year, when Sev finally lost it, Lily had been avoiding James just as energetically as she avoided Severus. Avoiding James was not precisely a new development, but for the rest of the year, quite uncharacteristically, James did not seek out Lily either. She was grateful for this, as she didn't think she could handle him tailing her around on top of everything else. But on the very last day of term, as they stood at the platform waiting for their parents, James had come up to Lily, looking unusually serious, and apologized for the day by the lake, both for being a prat and for pushing Severus over the edge. For once in her life, she was shocked into silence, and James went on to say, determinedly staring at the ground and looking more humble than she'd ever seen him, that he would leave her alone from now on. He left before she could find the words to respond, and she had simply watched him go, his arrogant swagger gone and his hands jammed in his pockets. Over the summer, she came to the realization that the end of friendship with Severus had really not been James' fault. It had been coming on for so long...but, she reminded herself. James had been, and always would be, an arrogant prat. And she pushed the image of his broken, pleading expression as he apologized out of her mind.

They barely interacted at all during sixth year. James stayed true to his word and left her well alone, and if she felt a pang when he walked past her without a word, if she missed hearing "Alright, Evans?" two or three times a day, or seeing the way his eyes lit up when he saw her coming, she didn't allow herself to dwell on it. "You're just missing all the attention," she told herself sternly. "Merlin's pants, you're as self-absorbed as Potter is." 

So sixth year came and went, and Lily returned to the Muggle world for the summer. When the owl delivering her Head Girl badge came, she screamed so loudly that even Petunia came running, honestly scared that Lily had fallen and fractured her skull. Petunia tried valiantly to manufacture a smile as Lily's parents proudly hugged their youngest daughter, but quickly gave up and slunk away, scowling. Lily was touched by the effort, but when she knocked tentatively on Petunia's door later, she was answered only with a surly "go away." So Lily had given up and gone to write to Remus, telling him the good news and asking if he'd gotten Head Boy. When he replied, she sat in silence for a full ten minutes, staring at the letter in shock. James Potter--of all bloody people--was going to be Head Boy. Merlin's bloody pants. 

She supposed, she reflected, chancing a second glance at him now as Marlene flew down to retrieve the Quaffle, the appointment made a little bit of sense. He had grown up quite a bit since fifth year. But that still didn't mean she was thrilled about having to work with him, or about the meeting the two of them would have with Dumbledore tonight to discuss their new responsibilities. Responsibility and James Potter...now that was a new concept. But Dumbledore had to know best, right? 

James caught her looking at him again and turned away quickly when he saw her gaze on his. She averted her eyes as well, impatiently throwing her windswept hair over one shoulder and feeling her face flame red. Oh, yeah. This meeting was going to be great.  
"Kill me now," she moaned to Marlene, who caught on immediately.  
"Absolutely not. This will be hilarious," she grinned.  
"You mock my pain," Lily accused.  
"One of my favorite pastimes, darling."

***

The two girls stumbled into the dormitory a few hours later, sweaty and sore. Marlene immediately collapsed face-first onto her bed while Lily made a beeline for the shower to clean up before lunch.   
As the warm water washed over her, she closed her eyes and began, not for the first time that day, to think of James Potter. He had evacuated the pitch rather hastily after their awkward encounter, and now she was more nervous than ever for the meeting that evening. This would be the first time they'd been in close contact since the end of fifth year and Lily had no idea how to handle that. What was she supposed to say to James Potter, of all people? They would have to work together for the next year, plan prefect rounds, organize inter-House celebrations, and oh, Merlin, she'd forgotten about the Head Dormitories. Of course, she hadn't really used them yet. They'd only been back at Hogwarts for a week, and Lily had decided she'd rather deal with Mary's incessant snoring and Marlene's hour-long showers in their shared bathroom than risk running into James Potter every morning if she chose to live in the luxury dormitory that was offered to the Head Girl every year. But even without living in close quarters, this year was setting up to be an absolute bloody mess. 

When Lily got out of the shower, having blow-dried her hair with a simple Heating Charm, it was to find Mary sitting on her bed waiting for her. "Marlene and Alice went down to lunch," Mary said. "I said I'd wait for you."   
"Thanks," Lily said, checking her eyeliner one last time in the mirror.   
"Hey, Lils?"  
"Yeah?"  
"What are you going to do about James?"  
Lily turned warily. "What do you mean?"   
"Marlene told me about the incident on the pitch today. So you two still aren’t talking?”  
Lily shook her head. “I haven’t really seen him at all.”  
“You mean you’ve been avoiding him.”   
Lily’s protests died on her lips. Mary smirked. “I know things are weird between you two, but you really need to talk to him.”   
“And what would I say?” Lily demanded. “What can I say?”   
“Lily, why won’t you talk to him?”   
“What? I just told you…”  
“No, forget about not knowing what to say, because you know that’s not it. Why won’t you talk to him?” Mary asked. “You don’t blame him for Severus, do you?”   
“Well…no,” Lily spluttered. “Sev made his own choice. But James was being an arrogant, narcissistic…”   
“James changed, Lily!” Mary interrupted. “And you know that as well as I do.”   
“That doesn’t make it alright,” Lily said angrily.   
“No, it doesn’t. But you can’t hold the mistakes he made in the past against him now,” Mary said gently.   
“I know,” Lily admitted. “I know he’s different now.”   
“So?”  
“He won’t talk to me,” Lily whined, vaguely ashamed of how child-like she had just sounded.   
Mary laughed. “Lily, he’s James. He’ll always want to talk to you. He just needs to know you’re open to being friends with him. He knows he made a mistake, and he thinks you never want to see him or talk to him again. Is he wrong?”   
“Well…”  
“Is he wrong?”   
“Yes, he’s wrong. I…” Lily took a deep breath. “I don’t blame him at all.”   
Mary smiled, satisfied. “Then tell him so.” 

***

He’s late.  
It was ten minutes after she and James had been asked to meet Dumbledore in his study, but she was standing alone outside of the Headmaster’s door, trying to control her nerves by imaging ways she could murder Dumbledore for deciding that James Potter would make a good Head Boy. She was halfway through a particularly gruesome fabrication involving a few piranhas and a vampire or two when she heard footsteps approaching and turned. It was James, who ran one hand through his hair nervously as he came to stand in front of her and stared fixedly at the wall to her right.  
“Alright, Evans?” he said in a low voice.   
Maybe it was the way he said it, with a horrible undertone of defeat that was so unlike his usual laughing, joking tone, that gave her the courage to speak.   
“Potter?” she began.   
His mouth twitched slightly at the use of his surname, and his eyes shifted for a moment to hers.   
“Yes?”   
“I wanted you to know that I don’t blame you,” she blurted out. Immediately, she wanted to slap herself in the face. Seriously? That’s how you decided to start out?  
But James didn’t laugh. He looked slightly stunned and opened his mouth as if to respond, but Lily cut him off before she could lose her nerve.   
“About Severus. You were being an arrogant prick, of course…”   
James was beginning to smile now.  
“…but what he said was not your fault. I know that now. And I know it’s unfair to hold that against you. So starting now, I’m hoping that we can maybe be…” her voice trailed off, but James, who was definitely amused now, finished the sentence for her.  
“Friends?”   
“Yes,” said Lily, turning slightly pink and now staring fixedly at the wall herself. “Since we’ll be working together and all, I mean…”   
James cut her off. “Lily Evans,” he began, and when she turned involuntarily to look at him, she saw him smiling genuinely at her. It was so different from his trademark smirk that she was caught off guard for a second. “I would be honored to be friends with you.” 

And Lily found herself smiling right back at James Potter, realizing, as she did so, that he had grown over the summer. He was now at least six inches taller than she was, and she had to bend her head back slightly to look at him.   
“So does this mean you’ll go to Hogsmeade with me next weekend? As friends, of course?” James asked.  
Naturally, he had to go and ruin it. Lily started to retort angrily, but he stopped her.  
“I was joking, Evans. Joking,” he said, hands in the air in a gesture of submission.   
Lily took a deep breath, imagining Marlene’s and Mary’s horrified expressions if she told them she’d hexed James Potter during their very first conversation since fifth year.   
“Don’t push your luck, Potter,” she finally said.  
James grinned. “Don’t worry, I’ve learned my lesson.”   
“I would hope so. It does take a lot to get anything through that thick skull of yours.”   
The obnoxious prat laughed at that. “So I’ve been told.”   
“I bet you get that from Remus a lot.”  
“I do, as a matter of fact. He reminds me of you quite a bit, sometimes.”  
“I knew there was a reason I liked him. Very well, I approve. You have good taste in friends, Potter.”  
“Yes, I do,” he replied, smiling at her, and she realized with a jolt that she fell into that category now. Galloping gargoyles. What had she gotten herself into?


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Two, in which there is a cat that is NOT a badger, a giant purple mushroom, and a fight (in which Lily Evans is perfectly capable of handling things herself, thank you very much)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is looking like it's going to be around ten chapters, at the moment. Again, reviews are amazing :)

Lily stumbled, yawning, into the Great Hall the next morning and collapsed in the first empty seat she saw, which, she noticed too late, happened to be next to Sirius Black. She thought about moving, but she was unsure if her poor, sleep-deprived limbs were capable of picking her back up again, and besides, at least according to Marlene, Black could be a decent bloke sometimes. At least she didn’t have to worry about toning down her early-morning temper with him.   
“Black,” she said, hitting him in the shoulder to get his attention and pointing towards a platter of eggs a little ways down the table. “Food.”   
Sirius laughed and passed her the eggs. “Why so charming this morning, Evans?”   
Lily made a noncommittal noise of annoyance. “Your girlfriend had the radio blasting Wizarding Wireless Network all night. She was singing along and everything. We couldn’t make her stop until about three o’clock this morning.”  
“Why didn’t you just hex her?” Sirius asked, ever the chivalrous boyfriend.   
Lily laughed. “Mary certainly tried, but Marlene put a shield up. We couldn’t go near her.”   
Sirius grinned proudly. “That’s my girl. How did you get around it?”   
“Bribed her,” was Lily’s matter-of-fact response. She dropped her head into her hands mournfully. “I had to give her all of my chocolate frogs.”   
“Four hours of sleep for your entire stash of chocolate frogs? You got robbed, Evans.”   
“I’ll steal them back,” Lily said, head still in her hands.  
Sirius was delighted. “Why, Evans! I didn’t know you had it in you!”   
“My chocolate,” was Lily’s brilliant response.  
“Not anymore,” Marlene said in a sing-song voice, settling into a seat across from her best friend and boyfriend. She grabbed a piece of toast, spread some marmalade on it, and stood back up. “Come on, you two. Transfiguration first today.”   
Lily and Sirius groaned.   
“I’m not going,” Sirius announced. He grinned cheekily at his girlfriend. “Skive off with me, McKinnon?”  
Marlene considered. “Come to Transfiguration with me and I’ll skip Divination with you,” she decided.  
“Deal,” Sirius agreed happily, and rose to his feet, stretching.   
“Coming, Lils?” Marlene asked, poking the top of Lily’s head, which was still resting on the table.  
“Absolutely not,” the redhead replied.

***

“And remember to twist your wand slightly as you jab it towards the cat,” Professor McGonagall was saying. “Non-verbal spells only, remember.”   
Lily frowned. She knew she shouldn’t have come to class today.   
Transfiguration had never come as naturally to her as her other classes did. She really needed to focus, and today she just couldn’t summon the energy. She tried anyway, but the cat stubbornly refused to become a badger.   
Lily paused in her attempts and looked around at the rest of the class. Marlene and Sirius were sitting next to a pair of perfect badgers, chattering away and laughing loudly while McGonagall shot them disapproving glares. James turned around in his chair and leaned backward to say something to Sirius, who grinned. James had gotten ten points for Gryffindor from McGonagall for getting the complicated spell right on his third try. Transfiguration was the one class in which James was easily more than a match for Lily.   
Lily gritted her teeth and tried again. She poured every ounce of magic she could summon into the spell, trying desperately to remember what McGonagall had said about the wand movements. There was a loud popping sound, and the cat morphed into a large, purple, softly luminescent mushroom.   
McGonagall hurried over to correct Lily’s mistake as Mary, who was sitting next to Lily, collapsed in a fit of helpless laughter. Lily was torn between horror and amusement. How had that even happened?   
She escaped the classroom gratefully twenty minutes later, with instructions to practice the charm for homework and be able to tell McGonagall where she had gone wrong by the next lesson.   
“I’m not sure,” Marlene said with mock uncertainty, “but I feel like the part with the giant glowing mushroom wasn’t supposed to happen.”  
“Shut it, McKinnon.” 

By the end of the day, Lily Evans was a mess. She was tired. She was irritable. She had endured a full day of classes, and now, above all else, she needed peace and quiet and solitude.  
And chocolate.   
After a hasty trip back to the Gryffindor seventh years’ dormitory, the Head Girl had made her quick escape, a bulging Honeydukes bag under her arm. She knew precisely where she had to run to. There was only one place in the castle she could truly call her own. Well, almost her own.   
Lily’s footsteps slowed as she reached a large, ornately carved door on the fourth floor. She had been here precisely once all year, when she had moved in some of her things at the very beginning of term. But if she had ever needed a large, luxurious room all to herself to retreat to, today was that day. She placed her hand on the door, which melted away at her touch. 

The common room was vast and decorative, with scarlet and gold hangings and floor-to-ceiling domed windows. There was also a large plush couch in the corner, which Lily dove onto happily, burying her face in the soft pillows. She curled onto her side, reaching towards the bag of Honeydukes sweets, and began to pull the wrapper off of a chocolate frog.

Willow, Lily’s cat, waddled eagerly into the room, having heard the wrapper and clearly hoping for a treat. Lily had named her cat when Willow had been a tiny, purring, graceful gray kitten, but it was a manifestly unsuitable name now for the poor animal, who was enormously fat and lazy and preferred the quiet of the Head Dormitories to the crowded Gryffindor tower. 

Lily greeted her cat affectionately. “Did you miss me?” she asked, scratching Willow behind the ears. Willow, now unhappily aware that she was not being fed, rubbed her head once against Lily’s hand and retreated to her favorite spot by the windows, settling down comfortably in a patch of sun and stretching lazily. Lily would not have this. She rolled off the couch, across the floor, and, lying flat on her back, scooped up the indignant cat and held her high in the air.   
“Don’t you love me, kitty?” Lily asked as Willow struggled to free herself. “Ungrateful animal. I command you to love me. Love meeee.” Willow meowed loudly in protest. 

“What in Merlin’s name is going on?” an amused voice asked, and Lily froze. Of course, it had to be him. Of all times for James Potter to walk into the room.   
“I am practicing Transfiguring my cat,” Lily announced after a pause, finally placing the relieved animal back on the floor. Willow immediately lumbered towards freedom as fast as her stubby legs would carry her.  
“Of course. Silly me,” James agreed, taking a seat on the couch that Lily had just vacated and peering interestedly into the Honeydukes bag. “Are those chocolate frogs?”   
Lily, blushing faintly, rose to her feet and snatched the bag from him. “Yes, they are, and no, you may not have one.”   
“Rough day, eh?” James observed, leaning back into the couch.   
Lily glanced at him, wondering if he was simply teasing or if that was an invitation to rant. Lily dearly loved to rant.   
“Yes, it was,” she replied cautiously.   
“Is that why you came here?”   
She nodded. “I just needed a break.”   
James didn’t respond, so Lily continued. “First, Marlene wouldn’t let me sleep, and then there was Transfiguration, and then every single Professor today decided to kick me while I was down, and I have a mountain of homework, and all I want to do is stuff my face with chocolate frogs.”   
James grinned. “Poor Evans,” he said, and there was enough sincere sympathy in it to earn him an approving smile from Lily. Then, suddenly, a thought occurred to her.  
“Er…Did you see what happened in Transfiguration?” she asked, looking vaguely nervous.  
James couldn’t hold back a laugh. “I meant to congratulate you on that. I’ve never seen anyone mix up a badger with a glowing mushroom before. I give you full marks for originality.”   
Lily laughed ruefully. To her slight surprise, she found that she didn’t really mind his teasing. Maybe Potter wasn’t the only one who had changed in the past year.   
He looked pleased with himself, and rose suddenly. “I’ll leave you to your ‘mountain of homework’ now,” he said with a smirk, glancing at the bag of candy in which Lily suddenly seemed very interested. He was almost out of the door that led to his room when Lily made her decision. “Potter?”  
His back was to her, but she knew he was smiling. “Evans?”  
She took a deep breath. He really was the best in their year, and she really needed help.   
“Could you help me? With Transfiguration?”   
He turned around and smiled genuinely, as he had before their meeting with Dumbledore, and Lily felt something flutter in her chest. “Absolutely,” he said. “You call your elephant of a cat, and we can get started right now, if you want.”   
“How dare you insult my cat?” Lily demanded, offended.   
“Evans, that is the fattest cat I’ve ever seen. I don’t know how you even lifted her.”   
“Willow is not fat. She just has a lot of personality condensed into a tiny cat body. She had to expand to make room.”   
James threw his head back and laughed. “In that case, I beg Willow’s pardon.”   
“Are we going to practice Transfiguration or not?” Lily asked, smiling despite herself.  
“I don’t know, are we?” James asked. “Call the cat.”   
“Willow doesn’t come when called, James.”  
“Willow!” James called defiantly, and Lily opened her mouth to tell him off but paused, amazed, as Willow entered the room cautiously to investigate the source of the commotion. James pounced, triumphant. “There you are,” he cooed to the cat, and Lily rolled her eyes.  
“Focus, James,” she said, laughing as he continued to shower her pet with baby talk.   
James paused, and Lily realized with a jolt that she had called him by his first name. How long had she been doing that?  
Calm and professional in an instant, James set Willow down, and she curled up on the floor exactly where he had dropped her. “Okay,” James said. “In class, I noticed that your movements are slightly too precise. That wouldn’t be a problem in Charms, or really anything else, but Transfiguration is less of an exact science. Visualize what you want it to become, and let the magic flow through your wand and guide your movements.” He pointed his wand at Willow, concentrating carefully, and, with a twist and a loose flick, Willow the fat cat became Willow the fat badger. James looked up and smiled at Lily. “See?”  
She nodded hesitantly, and with another flick of James’ wand, Willow was a cat again.   
“Now you try,” he said.  
Focus, Lily told herself. Let the magic guide you. She twisted her wand, attempting to imitate James’ movements. Willow’s tail shortened and her fur became coarser, but she remained a cat.  
“Not bad,” James said thoughtfully. “I’ve certainly seen you do worse.”   
Lily stuck her tongue out at him, and he grinned. “Here,” he said, and he moved to stand beside her. He kept his head bent, staring at the floor. Lily smiled at his nervousness. It wasn’t often that someone made James Potter squirm. He grabbed her still-outstretched arm gently and bent it slightly at the elbow. “Relax your arm a bit. And remember to breathe.”   
“Got it,” Lily said decisively, and James backed away. She pointed her wand once more at Willow, and this time she felt herself relax into the spell. She took a deep breath, exhaled, and allowed herself to move more loosely than she usually did. This time, a badger rested where Willow had been only seconds before.   
“I did it!” Lily squealed, impulsively doing a little hop of excitement. She turned to James. “Since when have you been a better teacher than McGonagall?”   
“No one’s a better teacher than McGonagall,” James corrected her. “You just needed some practice, that’s all.”   
“Well, thank you,” Lily said, smiling at him. “Maybe you’re not such a bad bloke after all, Potter.”   
He pretended to tear up. “That may be the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”   
“Don’t get used to it,” Lily laughed.   
“I won’t,” he promised. He straightened up and pushed his glasses up on his nose, imitating a professor. “Excellent work today, Evans. We may make a real witch of you yet.”   
“Sod off, Potter,” she said, hitting him lightly on the arm. He grinned and bowed theatrically as he backed away.   
“Must be off, Evans. Important Head Boy business.”   
Lily was unconvinced. “I don’t care if you are Head Boy, Potter, if you set fire to the Astronomy Tower again, I will give you detention for the rest of your natural life.”  
“That was an accident!” he protested, injured. “And besides, what if I prefer to live unnaturally?”   
Lily laughed. “That was awful.”   
“You’re laughing,” he pointed out.   
“Get out, Potter!” she ordered, pointing at the door. He smirked at her as the door closed behind him, and Lily heaved a sigh. A smile played around her mouth as she collapsed back onto the couch, somehow feeling that maybe the day hadn’t been such a complete disaster, after all. 

***

That year, however, light-heartedness never lasted for long. Hogwarts was different these days. Walking down the corridors, Lily could sense it, and although it wasn’t in her nature to be easily frightened, it left its mark on her all the same. There had been a sense of underlying darkness for as long as she’d been here, something sinister and dangerous that kept you from forgetting, even amidst the everyday hubbub of friends and classes, a war was brewing outside. This year, however, something had shifted. Tempers were more likely to snap, hexes more likely to fly; slurs were more likely to be seen painted across the walls in ink that no amount of soap or magic could seem to remove. And this year, Lily was at the center. She wasn’t just a prefect anymore. She was the Head Girl, the mudblood leading the school. The insults were not whispered anymore. They were hurled at her like bricks, they were shouts across the room, jinxes, threats muttered and screamed; they were spelled out in the bruises and scars from hexes, aggressive shoves in the corridor, in feet stuck out that caused her to trip, in cruel laughter and newspaper headings that told of Muggleborns targeted all over Britain.   
Through it all, Lily held her head high, because she was Lily Evans, and she didn’t belong in the Muggle or the Wizarding world, but she was never yours to control, and she was never one to be invisible. She was a talented witch and her hand was constantly on her wand, as it was that day, a week after her Transfiguration lesson with James, when she heard the shout.   
“Where do you think you’re going, filthy mudblood?”  
Lily didn’t turn, didn’t acknowledge her insulter. She kept walking, which was why she didn’t see the curse he hurled at her retreating back.  
But James did.   
The force of his shield charm knocked Lily’s attacker backwards, and he hit the floor with a sickening crunch. Lily whirled around, her wand out and pointing at the Slytherin, who she knew by sight to be called Avery. Because cowards never attack alone, he was flanked by Mulciber and Wilkes. All three had their wands out, but they were now pointing at James, whose eyes blazed with an indescribable fury that caused several onlookers to step back in fright.   
“Coming to your Mudblood’s rescue, are you, blood traitor?” Wilkes spat. “Gonna send us to the hospital wing?”  
“Merlin, no,” growled James, glaring at him with the utmost loathing. With some effort, he stepped back and glanced towards Lily questioningly. She nodded once, furious, and he turned back to the Slytherins. “I would never deprive Lily of the pleasure.”   
The jets of light left Lily’s wand before any of the Slytherins could figure out how to respond. They never had a chance. 

***

“Potter?”   
He was sitting on the couch in their common room. The Slytherins, who had been the subject of every hex Lily had been able to think of, were recovering in the hospital wing, and Lily had been summoned to McGonagall’s office for a “strict talking-to.” McGonagall had made her tea and served scones.   
James looked up and smiled. “Excellent work back there.”   
“Thanks,” Lily said. “That should teach them to try to curse someone when their back is turned. Filthy little cowards.”  
“I’ll drink to that,” James said, handing her a butterbeer.  
“Where did you get that?” Lily asked, as James opened one of his own.   
“Secret,” he replied simply, smiling.   
“Thanks,” Lily said. “For the butterbeer and for the shield charm earlier.”  
“Anytime. Although I would have liked to curse those slimy, cowardly slugs into oblivion,” James said, the palpable anger returning to his features.   
“Why didn’t you?” Lily asked. “Why did you let me?”  
“You had every right to,” James said, shrugging. “It wasn’t my fight, and you didn’t need defending. You handled it extremely well on your own.”   
A warmth stole through Lily’s chest at his words. James Potter really had grown up.   
“Thank you,” she said, unable to think of how else to respond.   
“Besides,” James added, seriously. “They need to know you can handle yourself. That you’re not some easy target just because you’re muggle-born. You’re better than the lot of them put together.”   
Lily smiled. When, she wondered, did James Potter learn to say exactly the right thing? She took a minute to process his words. She didn’t need defending. She could handle herself. And her blood status was no measure of her worth.   
“Thank you,” she said again, looking him straight in the eye. “For everything.” Quickly, she leaned forward and kissed him on the cheek. He looked stunned, unsure of how he had finally managed to do something right. The expression made Lily laugh a little, and when she left, it was with a feeling of odd contentment.   
And this time, it didn’t seem at all strange that James Potter was the one making her smile like that.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Lily gets a letter, becomes an honorary Marauder, and learns that it is never safe to trust James Potter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...annnddd here's chapter 3. Love you all :)

“Morning,” Lily said, taking a seat next to Marlene, Alice, and Mary. “Pass the pumpkin juice, please.”  
The other girls stared.  
“You spoke,” Mary observed, helpfully.  
“It’s not even eight in the morning yet,” Alice said in an awed voice.  
“Well, she didn’t have you lot keeping her up all last night, did she?” Marlene reminded them. “Must be a nice change.”  
“Us keeping her up all night?” Mary said, outraged.  
“Yes. You’re so loud and inconsiderate of others. No wonder Lily was happy to get away from you,” Marlene said, patting Lily’s arm understandingly.  
Mary’s angry retort was cut off by the arrival of the post. Automatically, all four girls moved to shield their breakfast as the owls soared overhead, dropping feathers, notes, and packages. Two letters fell into Lily’s lap, and she picked up the first. She recognized the messy, large hand it was written in, and brightened up immediately. “Girls, it’s from Hagrid. He’s inviting us to tea tomorrow.”  
“No rock cakes!” Marlene cried. “Make him promise. If he promises no rock cakes, we’ll come.” Alice and Mary nodded fervently in agreement.  
Lily didn’t respond. She hadn’t heard. Hagrid’s letter was cast aside and she was staring at the second envelope on her lap.  
“What’s wrong, Lils?” Alice asked.  
Lily shook her head as if to clear it. “It’s from Petunia.”  
Mary and Marlene both looked immediately to Alice in alarm. Alice rose to the occasion.  
“She hasn’t replied to any of your letters so far this year, has she?” Alice said gently.  
Lily shook her head. “I don’t even remember the last time she wrote to me at Hogwarts.”  
“Do…” Marlene paused, unusually cautious. “Do you want to open it?”  
Lily didn’t answer, but slit the envelope open with her finger. She pulled out a small decorative card. Alice tilted her head slightly so she could see, and Marlene and Mary unabashedly leaned across the table to get a look.  
“Is that…?” Mary asked, horrified.  
“Petunia’s wedding invitation,” Lily said in a low voice, without making eye contact with any of them.  
“I didn’t know she was even engaged,” Alice said.  
“Neither did I.” Lily’s voice was quiet, disbelieving. “I can’t…I can’t believe she wouldn’t tell me.”  
“Is there at least a note?” Mary asked.  
Lily nodded numbly and pulled it out of the envelope.

Dear Lily,  
If you’re reading this letter first, you should know that I’m engaged to be married to Vernon. He’s had a promotion at work and feels he can provide for us both comfortably now. I didn’t want to tell you before, although I told our parents I had. They insisted that I invite you to the wedding.  
Now allow me to be perfectly honest with you. I would much prefer it if you didn’t come. However, I accept that you must, and before you get worked up—you always were so dramatic—just let me explain myself.  
You were always the one in the spotlight. You’ve always been the one who needs to be the center of attention and have everyone adore you. But things are different for me now. Vernon is the only thing I’ve ever had who is all my own, and just this once, I want to have something that is just for me. Don’t I deserve that? Just once? You can’t help drawing attention, I know. You will always be abnormal and people will notice you, but please, for me, try your best to blend in. I won’t need you in my wedding party. Bring a date (preferably not someone of your kind—bring someone respectable) and try not to cause a scene.  
I’ve had to tell Vernon about you, and he has agreed to marry me despite the fact that you are… whatever it is that you are. He has agreed that you may come to the wedding so long as no word of your abnormality reaches the guests. I would not suggest addressing him at any point during the wedding. He will not react kindly.  
You don’t belong in our world, Lily. There’s nothing you can do to change that, and for that reason, he and I have agreed that it would be best if you keep your distance from both of us.  
This wedding means a lot to me. I’m sorry, but this is how it has to be now.  
\- Petunia

Lily finished reading. Her friends looked at her questioningly, and wordlessly, she passed the letter to them. She didn’t think she could get the words out to explain to them what it had said. As they read, her friends’ eyes darkened. Marlene and Mary looked horrified, and a dark rage was clouding Alice’s eyes.  
“How…dare…she?” Marlene hissed.  
“Lily,” Mary said quietly. “That’s…awful. I’m so sorry.”  
Lily couldn’t take it. “Tell Flitwick I’m not feeling well. I just need to get away from all of this.”  
Alice and Marlene nodded understandingly, watching her in concern.  
“I’ll cover for you,” Mary said. Lily nodded wordlessly, then turned and practically fled from the room.  
“Can you send a hex through owl post?” Marlene wondered out loud.  
“If you can, I’ll find out how to do it,” Alice promised, a steely glint in her usually gentle eyes.

***

An hour and three boxes of Bertie Bott’s Every Flavour Beans later, Lily was feeling slightly restless. She wanted to get out, go somewhere where she could breathe, but where could she go? She didn’t think she could handle anyone else’s questioning glances at her mascara-streaked, tear-stained face if she left the Head Dorms. Maybe she could sprint through the grounds and go find Hagrid. He could always cheer her up.  
As this thought occurred to her, the door opened, and she looked up quickly to see…who else? Not now, she thought. Why would he be here in the middle of the day?  
She rubbed a hand across her smudged mascara, attempting to brush away the tears, but she knew she hadn’t made a dent. Accepting her fate, she managed a throaty “Hey.”  
“You okay?” James asked, concern and some nervousness mingling in his tone.  
“Not really, no,” Lily replied.  
“May I ask what’s wrong?” James asked, approaching slowly and sitting on the edge of the couch.  
She took a deep breath. “It’s my sister,” she said, closing her eyes and dropping her head into her hands.  
James waited.  
“She’s getting married,” Lily elaborated reluctantly.  
“And you…hate the fiancé?” James guessed.  
“Well, yes,” Lily admitted, “but that’s not it. She didn’t even tell me she got engaged, and then she sent me this awful letter, saying she didn’t want me in the wedding party, that I didn’t belong in her world, and…” her voice trailed off and she brushed at the tears again. She managed a shaky laugh. “Sorry about the mascara. I look like a mess.”  
“No, it’s fine. You look wonderful,” James said gently, quietly, and her heart fluttered.  
“Thanks. I just need to get out of here,” she said, pulling away from him slightly. “I couldn’t go to Charms…”  
“I noticed you weren’t there,” he said. “I came here to get my Transfiguration book, but I’ll skive off with you if you aren’t ready to go to class just yet. I know a way to get out of here without being seen.”  
“You don’t have to…”  
“Ol’ Minnie won’t mind,” James said confidently. “I’m her favorite.”  
“Ol’ Minnie?” Lily said, the beginnings of a smile on her face.  
“Does that mean you’re up for it?” James said, happy to see her brighten up.  
“Of course,” she said. “Anything to get out of here.”  
His face lit up. “Okay then,” he said. “Let’s wait until everyone’s in their classes, and then we’ll sneak out through a tunnel behind the tapestry at the end of this corridor. I’ll check to see when the coast is clear.”  
“You do that,” Lily said, turning back to her pile of sweets.  
A few minutes later, James turned back from the door, shoving something in his pocket. “No one’s within two floors of us.” He offered Lily his hand. “Let’s go.” 

James led the way down the narrow stone passage, bending over slightly to avoid bumping his head. He turned a corner, Lily close behind, and suddenly she could see where they were going. “Whoa.”  
The tunnel had brought them to the bottom of the lake. Through the opening, Lily could see green-tinged water and gently swaying reeds. As she watched, a grindylow swam past in hot pursuit of a small fish.  
She moved past James as the tunnel widened into a small cave, and walked cautiously up to the opening. “Why doesn’t the water come inside?”  
“Shield Charm. Look,” James said, pressing his hand to the smooth, cool barrier. “I like to come here sometimes just to get away. Hardly anyone knows about this.”  
“How do you?” Lily asked.  
“The Marauders do a lot of exploring,” James replied. “We found this one by accident.”  
Lily nodded, and they stood quietly together for a while, watching the lake. A thought occurred to Lily, and, more to break the silence than anything, she asked, “Earlier, you said there was no one within two floors of us. How did you know?”  
James smirked and opened his mouth to reply, but before he could get a word out, Lily added, “and if you say it’s a Marauder secret again I’ll hex you.”  
“Well, technically it is a Marauder secret!” James protested, grinning, but he paused, and his expression became more serious. “Listen,” he said. “If I show you, will you promise not to tell anyone?”  
The Head Girl tensed slightly at this request. “That depends. Is it dangerous?”  
“No!” James promised. “Well…no. No.”  
Not altogether reassured, Lily pursed her lips. “Fine. I won’t tell anyone.”  
“Promise?” James prompted, an unusual severity in his tone.  
“Promise.”  
He relaxed. “Alright. I trust you.” He pulled a crumpled piece of parchment out of his pocket. Tapping it with his wand, he muttered, “I solemnly swear that I am up to no good.”  
Lily started to laugh, but stopped almost immediately as writing appeared.  
Messrs Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs are proud to present The Marauder’s Map.  
Underneath the words was a map of Hogwarts. At a glance, Lily could tell that this was no ordinary map. It seemed to be almost alive. The parchment was covered in tiny moving dots—each, it seemed, with a miniscule label attached. One, labeled Argus Filch, was moving along the seventh floor corridor, while another read Albus Dumbledore and was stationary inside a section of the map marked Headmaster’s Office.  
“Moony, Wormtail, Padfoot, and Prongs…” Lily read, and then looked up at James, who was watching her somewhat hesitantly. “That’s…that’s Remus, Peter, Sirius, and you, right?”  
James nodded. “We’ve been calling each other by those names for years.”  
“Did you make this?”  
James nodded again, proudly.  
“How?”  
“Took us the better part of fifth year to figure it out,” he said. “We all helped with the research—staking out the secret passageways and all. Remus and I did most of the Charms work, but Sirius helped out with the particularly tricky parts. You’d be surprised, he’s actually quite good at these kinds of things.”  
Lily stared at the map. Almost unintentionally, a smile began to spread across her face. “This is really advanced magic,” she said after a pause. “I’m impressed.”  
James looked pleased with himself. Lily rolled her eyes, smiling, and looked again around the cave, running her hand over the jagged wall.  
“It’s beautiful down here,” she observed, moving to sit in front of the tunnel opening.  
“That Shield Charm wasn’t there when we found this place,” James said, brushing her shoulder as he sat next to her. “When we first found this passageway, it was mostly flooded. Peter fell off that ledge there and nearly drowned.”  
Lily laughed. “Poor Wormtail. I assume you jumped in to rescue him.”  
James grinned at the nickname. “Remus did, actually. I had to fetch Padfoot.”  
“Padfoot?” Lily asked, amused.  
“He was laughing so hard at Peter that he fell in himself and inhaled half the lake.”  
Lily burst out laughing, and James smiled at her for a moment.  
“You know, only the Marauders use those nicknames,” he observed.  
“Sorry,” Lily apologized, slightly flustered.  
“No, no,” James protested, alarmed. “I was only saying…you could be a Marauder, if you want.” He paused, looking mildly horrified at the words that had just escaped his mouth. “I mean…an honorary Marauder, that is. And you wouldn’t have to do pranks or anything with us. I just meant…Merlin, I don’t even know what I meant. Just since we’re friends, I mean…you said we could be friends, and…I’m sorry,” he finished awkwardly, looking down at the ground.  
A grin slowly spread over Lily’s face as she looked amusedly at the poor nervous prat. “Why can’t I do pranks with you?” she finally asked.  
James looked up quickly. “I didn’t mean…”  
Lily shook her head. “I would have loved to, of course, but since I am the Head Girl, and I have responsibilities, and now you don’t want me to help anyway, maybe I shouldn’t.”  
James was smiling now. “Lily, would you do me the honor of joining in our next prank with us?”  
Lily regarded him in mock consideration. “Alright,” she decided. “I suppose I can be an honorary Marauder, then. If prank privileges are included.”  
“Welcome aboard, Evans,” James announced, playfully bumping into her with his shoulder. Then his smile faded slightly. “Transfiguration should be over now. Do you want to head back up to the castle?”  
Lily nodded. “I have tutoring in about twenty minutes. I should head up to the library.”  
“I’ll walk with you,” James offered, running one hand through his hair. Instead of annoying Lily, the gesture made her smile.  
“Thank you,” she said. “For being there, for listening to me, for bringing me here, for the…honorary Marauders thing….”  
He smiled somewhat sheepishly.  
“Just…thanks, Potter.”  
“Anytime, Evans.”  
“You can call me Lily,” she informed him.  
“Fine, but if you’re an honorary Marauder now, you have to start calling me Prongs.”  
“Who came up with those stupid nicknames, anyway?” Lily asked.  
“That’s a long story, Lils.”  
She looked at him questioningly, but he just winked and turned to lead the way back to the castle. 

***

Raven sat impatiently at one of the tables in the library, swinging her feet and staring at the large clock in the corner. Lily was late. And Lily was never late.  
Raven was a third year Hufflepuff who had been tutored by Lily for almost two years now. She looked up to the older girl and hoped that maybe, if she worked really hard, someday she could be Head Girl just like her.  
She pulled a sugar quill out of her bag and chewed on the end of it while she waited. It wasn’t long before she heard voices near the door and swung around to see Lily, smile wide and eyes bright with laughter, walking side by side with the Gryffindor Head Boy, James Potter, who was animatedly telling a story involving lots of hand gestures and sound effects that made the librarian glare angrily at him. Raven was more than a little confused to see Lily walking with James. She’d heard her fair share of Lily’s rants about the arrogant Gryffindor before, and the abrupt change amused her. She grinned as they got closer, Lily’s smile brighter than Raven had ever seen it.  
“Lily!” Raven called to get her attention, and Lily turned to her.  
“Hello, Raven,” Lily smiled. “Sorry I’m late.”  
“You’re never late,” Raven said. “Is it because you were with him?” She nodded in James’ direction.  
James’ hand immediately went to his hair as he grinned. “Sorry about that,” he said.  
Lily blushed slightly. “Yes, well, he’s leaving now, aren’t you, James?”  
He nodded, gave her a playful salute, and sauntered away, calling, “Later, Lils,” over his shoulder as he left. Lily shook her head as she turned back to Raven, who stared at her shrewdly.  
“You look happy,” Raven observed.  
“Is that unusual?” Lily replied jokingly.  
“Well, no. But you look happier today. Why were you with James?”  
“No real reason,” Lily said evasively.  
“Did you have fun?”  
“I did.” Lily pulled Raven’s Charms textbook toward her, in the hope of turning the conversation back to the tutoring session. But Raven wasn’t to be deflected.  
“You fancy him, don’t you?”  
Lily choked. “What?”  
“Well, I saw the way you were smiling at him,” Raven said, as though this should be obvious.  
“How was I smiling at him?”  
“I don’t know,” Raven confessed. “But it’s not the way you smile at anyone else.”  
“Okay, we’re working on Charms now,” Lily ordered, opening the textbook.  
“You look much happier than you normally do,” Raven said thoughtfully. She obediently sat down and looked at the textbook for a second before looking up again. “Do you think he’ll ask you to Hogsmeade? I hope so.”  
“Raven?” Lily asked sweetly.  
“Yes?”  
“One more word about James and I’ll shove this whole textbook in your mouth.”  
“You used to call him Potter,” Raven observed under her breath.  
Thwack.  
Raven simply giggled. 

***

That night, the girls decided to have a “cheer Lily up” slumber party in the dorm. Mary provided the sweets. Alice Summoned a television from the Muggle Studies room, and the girls were watching Sleeping Beauty. Marlene had turned up halfway through with butterbeer, although no one was sure how she’d gotten it. When asked, she simply replied, “Sirius,” and the other girls nodded in sudden comprehension. It was quarter to four in the morning when the girls finally fell asleep, all piled on top of each other on the floor with piles of candy wrappers and butterbeer bottles around them.  
It was a tired but much more cheerful Lily who went through all of her classes the following day. She even managed to take an entire page of notes in History of Magic before giving up and engaging in a doodling war with Sirius on the corner of her parchment. As she left the class an hour later, she decided to reward herself for making it through the day by taking a long, relaxing bath in the Head Girl dorm.  
Lily made a flying leap off of the staircase as it swung by the dorm room door, landing somewhat ungracefully. She placed a hand on the door and it melted away to show James Potter lying on the floor, surrounded by books and piles of parchment.  
“Hey,” Lily said, picking her way carefully around the mess.  
James looked up. “Hey,” he replied, looking somewhat tense. “I was hoping you’d show. I have a favor to ask. I forgot to tell you earlier.”  
“Should I be worried?” Lily asked, smiling.  
“I was just going to ask if you could take over my patrol rounds tonight,” James said, and Lily’s spirits dropped slightly. Goodbye, relaxation time.  
“Why?” Lily asked. “I thought you were free tonight.”  
James shifted. “Emergency Quidditch practice,” he said. “Rather late notice.”  
Lily sighed. She wasn’t looking forward to it, but then, she did owe James. “Alright, I can take over for you.”  
“You’re the best, Lils,” James said gratefully.  
“Anytime, Potter,” she said, smiling, as she turned reluctantly to leave. If she had patrol rounds in an hour, she should start on her homework now.  
She headed towards the library, deciding that she could at least get a start on her Charms essay. She walked up to her usual table to find Marlene already there. The other witch looked up as Lily approached, a wild look in her eyes. “My professors are all trying to kill me. All of them. I’ll have to work all night to get this done. I won’t be able to survive this. Tell my family goodbye. Tell Sirius I love him. Actually, don’t do that. He’d have a heart attack.”  
“He probably would,” agreed Lily, sitting down. Marlene turned another page of her textbook and groaned, letting her head fall onto the table.  
“Too bad you have Quidditch practice tonight on top of all of this,” Lily said sympathetically.  
Marlene looked up at her in surprise. “We don’t have Quidditch practice,” she said. “That was yesterday.”  
“James said he’d scheduled an emergency practice,” Lily said, confused.  
Marlene shook her head. “If he did, he didn’t tell me. And that would be stupid of him. That team can’t get along without me.”  
“You mean James lied to me?”  
Marlene bit her lip. “If he really said he had practice tonight, then yes,” she replied.  
“Why would he do that?” Lily asked. “He asked me to cover his patrol rounds.”  
“Maybe he just didn’t feel like doing it.”  
“That doesn’t seem like him,” Lily said, but she sounded unsure.  
“Go confront him, then. Ask him,” Marlene told her. “That’s what I would do.”  
Lily stood resolutely. “I will. And he had better have a really good explanation.”  
“Go easy on the poor boy. He’s terrified of you enough as it is.”  
“I will do no such thing.”  
Marlene grinned. “That’s my girl.” 

***

Lily stormed into the Head Dormitory, panting slightly. Potter was still there, cleaning up his books and looking like he was preparing to leave. He looked up and immediately took a step back at the look on her face.  
“Where are you going, Potter?”  
“Quidditch practice?” he said. “I told you that earlier.”  
“I just spoke to Marlene,” Lily informed him, and he paled slightly. “She says you don’t have practice tonight. So where are you going?”  
James held out his hands as if to calm her. “Look, ok, you’re right, and I’m sorry I said that…”  
“So you did lie to me.”  
“…but I can’t actually tell you where I’m going,” he finished, having the decency to look ashamed of himself.  
“And why is that?” Lily asked coldly.  
“Look, none of this is your fault, and I wish I could tell you, really, but it’s better for everyone if you don’t know. Trust me on this.”  
“Trust you?” Lily asked incredulously. “James, you’ve lied to me twice in the past hour. Forgive me if I don’t have much faith in you at the moment.”  
“Lils, listen to me, please. I’m your friend, okay, I wouldn’t do this if I didn’t absolutely have to…”  
But Lily had had enough. “Friends, Potter? You call this being my friend? You lied to my face and you ask me to cover for you and you won’t even tell my why. You know what? I don’t care where you’re going. Just as long as it’s far away from me.” And with that, she turned and stalked out of the room, leaving James with his head in his hands and a ringing silence in her wake.


End file.
